Sleep Keening

"You were keening in your sleep, you probably woke up some of the neighbors."

This morning I was sobbing the deaths of a thousand souls when my beloved woke me from a bad dream.

The dream was vivid and I could choose to recall it all for you now. But, as it is often the case, the details were the simple staging of a truth found within the context of those slumbered realities. And as such, the details are less important than the truth you find.

This is what I found last night . . .

When you are in a relationship with someone - it can be romantic or platonic - you have a responsibility to make yourself known. Relationships are never meant to be one-sided. If you fail to make your planning include you or an understanding of your expectations - you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Include yourself. Don't give up everything. Check in with the other people in your life often enough that you know you are not the only one invested in you. Make sacrifices - but, don't barter your soul away. If you are giving up something because you want something else - recognize that choice - and make sure other people in your life know you recognize it as a choice. Dream. And talk about your dreams.

Nothing is guaranteed. You can plan to your heart's content but, ultimately you are only a part of something and other's choices will impact your life. If you put trust in something or someone else it is not your responsibility to make sure they follow through. But, if you find you are giving and not receiving - reevaluate why. And talk about it.

We make promises because they are the binding of people and purpose. We make them to mark choices and to be held accountable to those choices. Sometimes we make promises to ourselves. Those promises are to be fully realized through our individual actions. But, promises we make to or with someone else are affirmations that we are not alone and can pursue our dreams with some kind of support. But, if you store your plans in a locked cabinet and ask someone to have faith in a dream you haven't shared - it is to your own detriment. They could be "on plan" and working against the intentions you thought were clear. Keep your desires quiet and you will hear them echoed back at you with the same resounding silence. And your heart will be broken and you won't know why or how.

I woke up keening. Mourning for a future me. So, I took action. I spoke my truth. I made myself known. Tomorrow, I will wake up with a smile.